Silently Shattering
by Kirei Ryuusei
Summary: Kamui has grown close to Subaru. However there's one fact that remains clear about the omyouji. And Kamui, without tears, without words, bitterly accepts this fact. One-shot Kamui x Subaru


**Silently Shattering**

_This is a simple one-shot about Kamui. He has always been infatuated with the onmyouji, Subaru, but he already knows the truth. Kamui will enjoy becoming close to Subaru but in his heart it's always aware that he will never be a 'precious person' to Subaru. So quietly, without shedding tears, without a word, the young esper accepts this cruel fact._

I had always admired Subaru. It was only thanks to the onmyouji that was able to resurface from the regrets of my heart. To me he was beautiful. He had a lanky build with slight pale skin, much like that of a porclain doll's. Dazzling eyes, the shade of an emerald jewel, strikingly stood out though it was often obscured by his black locks. However, appearance isn't what interested me in Subaru. It was his heart. After I awoke, I listened as Sorata and Arashi talk quietly. The technique was lethal, for if Subaru did not escape he would've been trapped within my conscious forever. To save me without having any obligation or bond to myself…I was surprised. We shared similar pain though I could see that he and I were far different in other aspects.

Subaru lie asleep as I held his limp hand. Bandages covered his right eye, a permanent scar from his battle with Fuuma. Never once had I left his side, in fear he'd be lonely. Never once had I fallen asleep or I might've missed my opportunity to apologize. I had been right there when Fuuma implaed Subaru with his hand. The only reason the onmyouji came was to protect me. Overhearing the nurses gossiping, I listened that Subaru's eye, held no chance of recovering. Forever blinded with that eye. Subaru lost the sight of an eye for my sake, because I was too helpless…But I remember Subaru's words to me before he was whisked away by nurses and doctors_…This is…What I had wished for…_For his sake. For the Sakurazukamori's sake, Subaru must've held that wish. To become blind in his right eye like the Chi no Ryu onmyouji. Because Sakurazuka Seishiro was his 'special person'. A sense of sorrow overwhelmed me for a moment.

_CRACK_

My eyes opened to the sight of Subaru. My hand held heat from his hand's embrace. Relief seemed to wash over the magician because I regained consciousness. When I mentioned his hold on my hand I was told because I had done the same for him when he was in a coma. Delight made my heart flutter at the gesture. I explained my dream with the Chi no Ryu yumemi, Kazuki Kakyo. The Angel asked of me to cease my wishing. For the sake of my wishing, Saiki departed this world and Subaru blinded in one eye. In order to make my dream to become a reality, I couldn't give up. The man didn't seem fazed by my conviction. He admitted that sorrow and happiness blend whenever anyone has a dream. Fuuma…he is the 'special person' I wished to save. My head thought this but my heart seemed unsure. This insecurity brought thoughts of the black-haired magician at my side. Subaru…I had come to really like him, as a fellow Seal, a friend, a confidant, and hoped…What am I saying? It would never happen. Me being special to Subaru? Impossible. I could prove it. My eyes stared at two spheres of green and I questioned "The only person that can make you happy…is the Sakurazukamori, right?"

The Sumeragi eye widened in mild surprise. In that same second he regained his composure and cooly answered "…Yes."

Exactly what I expected. That man had known Subaru much longer than I ever did. And in that time Subaru was infatuated with him. Even though the Sakurazukamori killed his twin sister, I could feel that Subaru wanted more than just a fight with him. But why did I care about his answer? His happiness was Subaru's business. Yet I didn't understand why I felt disappointment. My bangs fell over my eyes. For some reason they stung like dirt had been kicked into them. Water seemed to rush to the corners of my eyes. I couldn't understand it. Why was I feeling this pain? This pain wasn't caused my broken ribs, or memories of Fuuma's actions. What was this feeling?

_CRACK_

Arashi and I arrived on the Rainbow Bridge. Fear held me prisoner the whole time. Subaru's kekkai had deteriorated into the evening's darkness. The bridge was still intact though I couldn't see… "Subaru!"

Subaru's hand looked to slice right through the Angel's chest like a knife. Shock and disbelief was carved on his face. I couldn't hear the words they said, but I did see the Sakurazukamori collapse into Subaru's arms. Tears freely spilled from the medium's eyes. Pulling the Chi no Ryu closer he refused to let go. He seemed like a child clinging to their parents for refuge. I wanted to be able to comfort him but the expression of the onmyouji's face as his bloodied hands remained embracing Seishiro. My whole body seemed to stop functioning. An invisible concrete had trapped my legs. A lump formed in my throat, stealing my voice. The vision had switched from the result of battle to the ground as my fingers balled into fists. My eyes dared take another glance back at the scene. An unseen knife was plunged into my heart, unable to be removed, damaging the cracks that were curerently existing.

This pain returned. However, this time I knew. Actually I knew all along the truth though I couldn't accept it's bitterness. It took all my strength not to shed a tear. Because I realized from the months numbered and seasons past, that I had fallen in love with Sumeragi Subaru. How could I allow myself to fall in love with him? I already was aware that someone else held Subaru's heart. Even though this person was now deceased, Subaru's heart was taken with the man to the grave. This was an unfortunate fact that I forcibly accepted.

_CRACK_

Subaru had been missing for a while now. Sorata was recently hospitalized because the 'Gohou Doujin' that was cast on Arashi. Everyone, all the Ten no Ryu, could call forth a kekkai. All of the Seals held something to protect. Sorata, Arashi, Yuzuriha, Aoki, Karen, even Subaru grasped that power. Subaru…he's so kind but the young man was kind to the point where pain would ensue. Sakurazuka Seishiro, that Subaru's reason for creating kekkai. Now that his only 'special person' has left behind this life, maybe…maybe his involvement with the 'Destined Day', the final battle between the Chi no Ryu and the Ten no Ryu, would cease. That was Subaru's choice. Like he had told everyone in the beginning, the Sumeragi didn't care the end of this world. I held no right to deny the emerald-eyed man's decision. Besides, my precious people were Kotori and Fuuma. Kotori now walked along Heaven and I would definitely bring back Fuuma, because that was my wish…that's what I told myself.

_CRACK_

The 'Promised Day' is the present. On this day without a doubt, I will bring Fuuma back. The Shiken points towards it's counterpart and the owner, Fuuma...Images entered my head of Kanoe being killed from the sights Fuuma. All Fuuma was doing was toying with my head. My sights were focused on the thing connecting me to this Earth, when I saw a hooded Angel behind Chi no Ryu's "Kamui". A gust made the loose hood flutter violently. Enough so I could see "Su..baru.."

One eye remained its green hue and the other replace with brown. That eye, it was the eye of the Sakurazukamori. Realization crashed into me, hard. There was nothing more for Subaru to protect, no attachment to this Earth without the Sakurazukamori. Did he assume this role for that man's sake? Leave behind all the Seals and become an enemy? The intangible knife that still remained within my heart began to embed it's cold blade further within. The pain was numbing my whole body as I stared down the only 'thing' that lured Subaru and remained Fuuma's 'jailor'. The assault began between Fuuma and I, and Subaru's eyes trailing our moves. I ended up on the ground, the Shiken aimed above my heart. My wish was to save Fuuma, but those cold eyes and piercing tone tell _your real wish is different_

My own blood was splattered on my clothes and my body screaming from being hit. I wouldn't give up "My wish is to bring Fuuma back, even…if…I will hurt Fuuma himself. That's my wish. There is no other wish!"

"There is one, Kamui" every fiber in my body halted at the voice. My eyes gazed at the new Sakurazukamori "You don't realize it but,…it's in there"

"Subaru…" was the only word that came from my lips.

Still calm, still warm "If you don't realize it nothing will change"

_GASSHA—N_

That wish, my true wish…I Can't realize it because it's a wish that will always remain impossible, Subaru…

Please don't flame me! I've never done anything depressive or just thoughts before!


End file.
